Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Unloved yet Loved by God


This week we continue the story---or soap opera---of Rachel and Leah.  When Alycia asked us to choose one of the women of the Bible, she said to pray about it and to let her know which our choice was.  Well, I had already chosen Esther and Judith, two strong women from the Bible, but Alycia told us she would be doing those two.  OK.  So back to the list I went!  That very night, I sat with the list in front of me.  The name Leah kept “popping” up at me.  I had no idea who she was even though I’ve been through Jeff Cavins study of the Bible twice.  So, I said OK, Lord, if that’s who You want me to do, so be it.  I Googled Leah immediately and realized why He had picked her for me.  I learned three important things about Leah:

1)        She was unloved and rejected by her husband Jacob.  She

was his second-rate wife.

2)        She had , as one description called her, “tender eyes”.  My    

Bible says she had “lovely eyes”. (Gen. 29:17)

3)        She was a major matriarch of the Jewish Nation.

 

This is the sad story of Leah who proved to be an important link in the lineage of the Messiah.

 

Leah was the older daughter of Laban and Rachel his younger daughter.  Scripture describes Rachel as “well formed and beautiful”. (Gen 29:17)  The only description we have of Leah is that she had “lovely eyes”.  (Gen 29:17)  In other translations, however, her eyes are described as “tender” or even as “weak”.  I conclude that she had beautiful eyes but had poor vision and maybe had to squint in order to see.  (Unfortunately, there were no contacts or glasses back then.)  Laban was the brother of Rebekah and the uncle of Jacob and Esau.  Jacob, the younger son of Isaac and Rebekah, was sent by his parents to find a wife from among his uncle’s daughters. (Gen 28:1-2)  Jacob first met Rachel at the well where the shepherds watered their flocks.  Rachel’s beauty was so stunning that we know Jacob fell in love with her at first sight.  He, in fact, kissed her and burst into tears that very first meeting at the well. (Gen 29:11)  Rachel was Jacob’s first and only love all of his life.  Poor Leah seemed to be destined to marry Esau, the older son of Isaac and Rebekah.  Esau, which means hairy, was coarse and ill-mannered.  It is said that Leah’s eyes were tender because she wept constantly in prayer that she not have to marry Esau.  Rachel, on the other hand, was expected to marry the smooth-skinned and presumably better-looking and well- mannered Jacob, the younger brother.  According to Leah Kohn, a Jewish author, Leah was a prophetess and saw prophetically that the two couples were to establish the Jewish Nation by each woman giving birth to six tribes of the Jewish people.  She saw this as God’s plan and was totally committed to it although not too happy about it.  She worried, however, that Esau may not be interested and that she may not have a share in the building of the Jewish Nation.

 

The contrast in the two sisters is obvious.  The beautiful Rachel was charismatic and appealing.  Leah, on the other hand, was introspective and quiet.  She was probably a master in meditation.  Rachel Holzkenner, another Jewish author, states that Leah’s prayers “like a perfectly poised arrow, reach straight to Heaven…”.  And because she did not have the beauty and charm of her younger sister, she was humble, unassuming, and obedient.  Her obedience to the demands of her authoritative father is a key factor in the development of her story.

 

Eventually, Leah becomes the first wife of Jacob, not Esau’s as she had feared.  Unfortunately, she became Jacob’s wife, not because he loved her and chose her, but because of the conniving of her father Laban.  After Jacob had stayed with Laban for a month and served him, Laban asked Jacob what he thought his wages should be.   Since Jacob had fallen in love with Rachel he answered, “I will serve you for seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.”  Laban replied, “I prefer to give her to you rather than an outsider.  Stay with me.”  So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, yet they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her. (Gen 29:18-19)  When the time came for the wedding feast, which in ancient times actually lasted an entire week, Laban pulled his deception.  He took Leah to Jacob instead of his beloved Rachel.  It was the custom for the bride to be veiled when brought to the bridegroom.  Laban presented the veiled Leah to Jacob at nightfall, and the marriage was consummated that night.  In the morning, Jacob was amazed that he had not recognized that it was not Rachel beside him.  He angrily confronted Laban as to how he could deceive him in such a way.  “It is not the custom in our country,” Laban replied, “to marry off a younger daughter before an older one.  Finish the bridal week for this one, and then, I will give you the other too, in return for another seven years of service with me.” (Gen 29:26-27)  Jacob agreed, and he then “consummated his marriage with Rachel also, and he loved her more than Leah.  Thus he remained in Laban’s service another seven years.” (Gen 29:30)

 

The tragic results of Laban’s deception is that Leah becomes the rejected, unloved wife of Jacob.  Did she realize this would happen to her?  What were her feelings when she became a part of the deception?  First of all, she must have been afraid.  She was in fear of her father who would literally kill her if she did not do as he demanded.  He was an authoritative parent and a bully in his treatment of others.  She must have also feared that Jacob would discover she was not Rachel.  What would he do to her then?  There must have also been hope in her heart that once Jacob did consummate the marriage, he would grow to love her.  She always had that hope.  She states after the birth of her second son, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me…” (Gen29:34)  Tragically, that was never the case.  I believe Leah loved Jacob in the same passionate way he loved Rachel.  In the seven years of service by Jacob to her father, Leah fell madly in love with Jacob.  So when she went along with the deception, I imagine she went with some degree of anticipation to Jacob’s tent.  On the dark side, Leah was jealous of Rachel and envied her beauty.  She had to resent that she was treated with contempt all of her life no matter how many children she bore for Jacob.  In contrast, Rachel was always the favored one who was treated with love and affection.  For example, after several years into the marriage, Jacob wanted to reconcile with his estranged brother Esau.  When Esau agreed to meet with him, Esau set out to the meeting “accompanied by four hundred men”. (Gen32:7)  This frightened Jacob because he didn’t know Esau’s intent.  So in his caravan, he placed Leah and her children at the front while Rachel and her children were at the back so they could escape in case Esau attacked them. The rejection and contempt shown to her by Jacob caused Leah humiliation in front of all of the family, especially her children.  Nevertheless, she continued to be a loyal wife to Jacob.

 

“When the Lord saw that Leah was unloved, he made her fruitful, while Rachel remained barren.” (Gen 29:31)  In another translation, the Bible states that God saw that Leah was hated.  God was aware of Leah’s misery and was moved to compassion and pity for her so He gave her the gift of many children.  Leah became the mother of the greatest number of the Tribes of Israel---six in all.  Rueben and Simeon were her first and second sons.  After their births, Leah said, “It means God saw my misery, and now my husband will love me.” (Gen 29:31-32)  Sadly, that did not happen.  Her third son was named Levi from which descended the Levites, the priests of the Jewish Nation.  Moses, Aaron, and John the Baptist are descendents from Levi.  Her fourth son was Judah.  He was a special gift from God because it was from him that the Jews descended.  It is from Judah that King David, King Solomon, and Jesus Christ Himself descended.  Leah was given by God the gift that from her son Judah’s lineage would come the promised Messiah.  Leah bore two more sons and the one and only daughter of Jacob, the tragic Dinah.  With the birth of each child, Leah’s hope for her husband’s love rose, but to her bitter disappointment, his love was only for Rachel.  Not only did Leah feel Jacob’s contempt, but also her children felt it.  They, too, were regarded as second rate to Rachel’s first-born son Joseph, who was the favorite son of Jacob.  Leah’s sons resented Joseph so much that they almost killed him.  Instead, they then sold him into slavery to the Egyptians.

 

Whether Jacob ever loved Leah is unknown.  Since Rachel died fairly early in the marriage, I like to think that as the years passed by, and they grew old together that perhaps Jacob may have found it in his heart to love her, not in the passionate way he loved Rachel, but in a gentler, quieter way.  It was Leah who was with him as he suffered the loss of his parents.  When Leah died, Jacob buried her in the family tomb in Hebron.  When Jacob was on his deathbed in Egypt, he asked to be buried in his homeland.  So today Leah and Jacob are buried together along with Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, and Rebekah in what is now known as the Tomb of the Patriarchs in Hebron.

 

Leah’s sad story reminds us that much of the suffering and sorrow in life are caused by sin.  The rivalry between Rachel and Leah is a result of the trickery and conniving of their father Laban.  Jacob had to serve Laban for 14 years because of Laban’s lies and deception.  Rachel’s suffering and death at childbirth are a result of Eve’s sin in the Garden of Eden.  Leah’s participation in the deception of her marriage to Jacob, leads to a life of rejection by a husband who never loved her or her children.  The jealousy and rivalry between Rachel and Leah continued with their children to the point that it almost cost Joseph his life and his freedom.  Our sins also cause us misery and suffering, but thanks to our Redeemer Jesus, we have the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  Through this sacrament, we can be healed and cleansed of our sins.  We can find peace in our hearts and souls.  The people in this tragic story never had the opportunity to find that peace.

 

There are two reasons why I can relate to Leah, and why I think God chose her for me.  First, I have issues with my eyes.  When I was in high school in my senior year, I was chosen as the one with the most beautiful eyes in my class.  Well, these so-called beautiful eyes now have glaucoma which can lead to blindness.  I’ve had five eye surgeries so far and have come that close to losing my vision first in one eye then the other.  I thank God that I have been blessed with a wonderful ophthalmologist who has taken good care of my eyes for many years.  Because of God’s infinite mercy, many prayers, and my doctor, I still have the gift of my vision.

 

The second reason is that Leah was regarded as second rate by her husband.  With me it was not my husband, but my mother who made me feel second rate.  Now I know in most families siblings feel that their mother lover the other child more than she loved him/her.  But with me, my mother herself let me know that she considered me second rate because of my looks.  All of my life, she lamented the fact that I was dark skinned with dark curly (too curly) hair.  When I was in high school, she decided I was also too skinny.  I had to drink daily a tablespoon of some awful-tasting tonic that was supposed to fatten me up.  No telling what was in that horrible tonic, but, fortunately, it didn’t work!  Even as a mature adult when I let the natural curl of my hair show, she told me that my hair was too curly.  Now I don’t want to leave the impression that I was treated like Cinderella.  On the contrary, I had a happy childhood.  My parents were not wealthy, but we lived comfortably so I always had everything I needed or wanted as far as material things were concerned.  It was just that I knew my mother loved my brother more because he looked like her.  Even my friends would comment on how much my mother loved my brother.  It was that obvious.  By the way, my brother and I got along beautifully and loved each other very much.  I never resented him because he was always so good to me.  I was always his “baby sister” no matter how old we got.

 

As I have mentioned, my mother pointed out my shortcomings all of my life.  My healing from her hurtful remarks came about when God began to speak to me through Holy Scripture.  He led me to realize that He was my Creator and I was his creature.  “God looked at everything he had made, and found it very good.” (Gen 1:31)  “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.” (Jer 1:5)  Then I discovered Psalm 139:  “You knit me in my mother’s womb.  I praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are your works!” (Ps 139:13-14)  I am one of His works.  One day He told me, through Scripture, “You are precious in my eyes and glorious, and because I love you.” (Is43:4)  With God’s love through His Word, I have come to realize that my skin, my hair, and everything else about my appearance are all from Him.  He made me just as I am.  I also have a Heavenly Mother who loves me unconditionally.  Mother Mary loves me just as I am because it is her Son who created me.  How can I complain or critisize His work?

 

My mother lived to be 97 years old.  God gave me the privilege of taking care of her those last years of her life.  Taking care of her in her illness and weakness gave me the opportunity to heal some of the hurt and resentment that I had felt because of her harmful remarks.  It was a blessing for me.  Nevertheless, it took a long time for me to forgive her.  After she died, I really thought I had forgiven her, but God spoke to me and made me realize that in my heart the resentment was still there.  It was through the Sacrament of Reconciliation and speaking to a priest that I was finally able to find the forgiveness in my heart.  Writing this talk has also helped.

 

Sister Genevieve of the Holy Face, St. Therese’s older sister Celine Martin, states, “I look upon my imperfections as treasures, and I summon them to appear at my judgment, for all my faults are my strength.  Since I regret them, I think that they will draw God’s pity down upon me; and when he has pity, he also has mercy.”  Because I was told by my mother how imperfect I was, it served to keep me humble.  I see now that it was, in a way, a gift.

 

I hope that you will look for the positive in yourself and others because we are all precious creatures made by our Creator.    Too often, we women can find our faults and the faults of others too easily.  We are quick to point them out.  But when it comes to finding the positive, it seems more difficult.  Your homework for this week is to daily pay yourself a compliment and thank God for making you the woman that you are.  Call to mind everything you like about yourself:  your smile, you hair, your love of reading, your green thumb, you kindness to others, your honesty, etc.  Then thank the Good Lord for that gift.  I close with this prayer:

 

Lord, I don’t want to be critical of how you’ve put me together, relying on what others think of me for my sense of well-being.  Make me a woman who is confident that I am lovable, not because of my outward beauty but because you have loved me from the moment you called me into being.  In Jesus’ name I pray.             

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