Envy Games

This week's teaching comes from Rebecca:

 

We are introduced to Rachel, as her cousin Jacob arrives in Haran after leaving his homeland.  While traveling to Haran Jacob comes upon a sacred site, dating back to Abraham, at this shrine he rested and  had a dream; of a stairway to the heavens and God’s messengers were going up and down on it. And there was the Lord standing beside him.  Then, God made Jacob the same promise he made to his forefathers: To be with him and make of him a great nation. Jacob in turn, promised with a vow, that if God was able to help him on this journey, “the Lord would be his God”

 Continuing his journey, Jacob finally arrives in Haran, where Jacob meets his uncle Laban and falls in love with Rachel, his cousin. The dream and promises deeply imbedded in his memory must have caused his exultation! Psalm84:6 Happy are those who find refuge in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrim roads. I wonder if Jacob gave any thought to Laban response, Ah “You are indeed, my flesh and blood.”  Family resemblances are not always physical, they can be observed in behavior as well.  It won’t take long to see Laban’s true character was divided, one of duplicity, not to be trusted.

 As  Jacob settles into everyday life, working for Laban and all the while falling deeply in love with Rachel, Laban, is prompted to ask him, how he would be able to pay Jacob  for his work. Jacob responds by asking to marry Rachel. He offers to work seven years for Laban, in lieu of the customary bridal price. Laban agreed to the arrangement. As time progressed, I am sure he was very pleased with the work Jacob provided him. For Jacob, the years flew by and with each one that passed Jacob’s love for Rachel grew. Imagine the excitement Rachel and Jacob must have felt after the seven years were completed.

 The promises God had made to give Jacob were on the horizon. Jacob had won Rachel’s hand in marriage and their new life together as husband and wife would soon begin. Now remember, over the past seven years Laban enjoyed the benefits of free labor and the skills of the best guy in town, and that was all going away. He also had the problem of his older daughter, one can only speculate how pleased he was with himself when he came up with a great idea! Yes, he could to solve two problems with one wonderful idea. How smart he was!  The night of the wedding feast Genesis 29:23 tells us, he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob and Jacob consummated the marriage with her instead of Rachel. Verse 25 continues, In the morning Jacob, expecting to see Rachel upon awakening was amazed it was Leah!

Poor Leah, to be left alone as Jacob rushed from the tent to find  Laban, shouting:” How could you do this to me!” Laban hiding, as he defended his action by saying, “it was the custom to marry the older first”, but then slyly conceding, allowing Rachel to marry Jacob, when the marriage week was completed for Leah. There was a catch though, Jacob had to give Laban seven more years of work to secure the bridal price again for Rachel. Jacob, then consummated his union with Rachel. What was the conversation between this couple during their wedding week together?  We do know that  chapter 29:30 says “he loved  her( Rachel) more than Leah.” Everyone knew this.  Think of the heartache these women had to be experiencing, it is also clear that Jacob was caught between these two sister-wives.  

 The additional seven years in the service of Laban  must had devastated Jacob, as much as it thrilled Laban.  Jacob, Leah and Rachel had to now adjust to this new situation and a choice had to be made.  Rachel,  no doubt had been injured, she also knew of the intensity of Jacobs love for her, yet it was clouded by her  pain, and  anger, caused by Laban’s decision to use his daughters for personal  gain.  As the months progressed Jacob must have left Leah by herself, night after night because  Genesis 29:31 states “When God saw that Leah, was unloved he made her fruitful,”  Until then it is unknown if Rachel was begrudging towards her sister or not, but we do know that seeds of envy grew as Leah began to bear Jacob sons, and Rachel remained barren. Leah also had an agenda, for she certainly loved Jacob. Unfortunately, Leah made this agenda known by how she to name each  son she bore Jacob.  

They were named  according to her status with her husband. With each son the animosity between the sisters grew and even if they were cordial to one another, under the surface simmered the resentment which tears families apart, as we see in Genesis 30:1-2  when

Rachel saw that she failed to bear children to Jacob, she became envious of her older sister. Who was able to give Jacob sons. She screamed at  Jacob, “Give me children or I shall die”, and in anger  Jacob answered her, “can I take the place of God, who has denied you the fruit of the womb?” We see resentment festering in a relationship which previously had been filled with love.

 We can only speculate how many arguments Rachel had with Jacob, and missed opportunities with Leah.  Rachel in desperation, gave Jacob her handmaid to produce a child, two sons, separately, were born this way. Both were named by Rachel to describe her struggle with Leah.  Envy, spite, discontentment, lack of compassion, marred the relationship between the sisters. 

Ponder, 1John 2:10  Whoever loves his brother remains in the light, and there is nothing in him to cause a fall. What  would have happened if Rachel chose to show mercy to her sister and accepted that Leah was just as much a pawn of Laban as she was.

 The Catechism of the Catholic Church  wisely speaks into  Envy (CCC.2540) Envy represents a form of sadness and therefore a refusal of charity.  Rachel’s envy came from her sadness over not being Jacob’s first wife, a sadness of a loss of the hopes and dreams she had for her and Jacob, then her envy came from her sisters fertility and her infertility, this sadness, when allowed to settle within a heart will turn to depression which can cause serious injury, not only to the  person, but to those around them as well.

 St John Chrysostom in a homily wrote a sure way to avoid the pains of sadness,"Would you like to see God glorified by you? Then rejoice in your brother’s progress and you will immediately give glory to God. Because his servants could conquer envy by rejoicing in the merits of others, God will be praised. 

 Genesis 30:22   God remembers  Rachel;  he heard her prayer and made her fruitful and Rachel conceives a son. (Joseph)  Rachel’s heart is relieved of the bitterness. In hopes of another child, she names him Joseph which means “May the Lord add another son to this one for me.”

 Psalm 32: 1&2  Happy the sinner whose fault is removed, whose sin is forgiven. Happy those to whom the Lord imputes no guilt, in whose spirit is no deceit. Could this apply to Jacob and his wives, especially  Rachel. I would hope she would seek only the help of the God of Jacob and reconcile with her sister. Unfortunately there is no indication that they did. Rachel’s journey would soon end here, near what would be Bethlehem.  She was to bring forth Jacob’s last son and in the process her life would end in childbirth, as God had spoken of to Eve. Rachel, in her travail would name this son Ben-Oni, the son of my trouble, which captured her anguish his birth. Jacob would later change his name to Benjamin which means “Son of My right hand”.  At her death, Rachel would leave both her husband and her children to her sister Leah.

 This journey we just took with Rachel is heart breaking, so much unnecessary strife and unhappiness. How wonderful it would be if we were able to say women no longer acted this way towards one another.  Why do we still find judgment, jealousy, and gossip so much a part of our actions. Just recently I was at lunch with some friends and this question came up.

 We don’t know what Rachel had experienced being the younger sister, but we do know that we all have the propensity  to act  as Rachel did.  Knowing ourselves and our family dynamics helps us to understand just how easily we can be caught in these trappings. We must ask ourselves the question, do we defer to others or is my opinion what is most important. Do we deal well with disappointment or become upset when we don’t get what we like. Are we moody? Do we gossip, looking for an available ear to listen to us complain? These are pretty easy questions to start with and pretty easy to identify within ourselves. Sometimes, you can go through your whole life  interacting with your  family and not even realize there is a problem.

The wonderful thing is as a  person enters into a relationship with God, he meets you right were you are, as he did with all the people in the bible He let’s you know not to hide as Eve, to wait on him as with Sarah and to trust in  him as he desired Rachel to do, because never for a moment will he forget us, He is present and attentive, aware of the desires of our hearts even when we are certain he has lost track of us. He forgives us when we slide into resenting others and begin to compete with them. He knows that relationships are not easy, he never intended us to be struggling with one another.

 Coming from a family of five, my siblings mostly being teens, I went pretty much unnoticed by my dad. Now, I had an older sister, by six years. she was witty and beautiful, the pride and joy of my father and she knew it. It was okay with  me that she had many  abilities, I loved my sister.  Then two separate events  happened which sealed my heart, planted seeds of distrust and resentment, In both the common thread was betrayal and for the longest time I questioned if she really meant to hurt me as she did. As I began to distrust her, I noticed that it was important to her that she shined before everyone else.

 I pray for my sister every day, I have opened the door for communication and she has chosen not to respond, which is okay. All  in God’s time. None of the hurt or feelings of inadequacy remain within me, just sweet healing from above, and I still do love her. O my God, Fill my soul with holy joy, courage, and strength to serve you. Enkindle your love in me, and then walk with me along the next stretch of road before me. I do not see very far ahead, but when I have arrived where the horizon now closes down, a new prospect will open before me, and I shall meet with peace. Saint Theresa Benedicta of the Cross ( Edith Stein)  

I believe my healing began as I reflected In  back on my teen years.  My  female friends would tell me that they loved me. I would begin to feel uncomfortable, uneasy, then I would simply give less of myself in the relationship. Clearly I feared being hurt. As I acknowledged this truth I was able to pinpoint when this began and my first step was in validating my feelings in regards to how my sister had hurt me. I was right, I had been injured, with this acknowledgement I could freely forgive her. As an adult I  began to meet women and I grew to trust, them.  They had one thing in common, their complete love of God and the desire to listen to whatever he told them. I thank God for those who showed me I was safe in their care, and ultimately I would see that meant I was safe in God’s loving  arms.

 My hearts desire was not to be thwarted by pettiness or competition. I grew comfortable allowing other women to minister to my heart and to find my voice within a loving community of holy women. I  recently shared with a friend how I felt when I was with these women. I said it is the “face of love.” She responded, “may you repeat this truth many times to those you meet” So now I say to you, seek those who wear the face of love, and be the face of love to those you meet.    

And when you find your heart heavy in the struggle, when others try to steal your joy, as will happen on this journey we are on, remember the words of St Ignatius of Loyola.

Take, O Lord and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my whole will. Thou hast given me all that I am and all that I possess; I surrender it all to thee that thou mayest dispose of it according to they will. Give me only thy love and thy grace; with these I will be content and will have no more to desire.

For your love and grace is enough for me.

Then pour it back out to those around you!

God Bless you all!